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    How to stop zoning in on the negatives

    The other day I was reminded of something that happened about twelve years ago when my eldest daughter was about seven. Her class at school were raising money for charity and had decided to do a sponsored spell of a hundred words. No mean feat for a child of that age.

    The day came and at the end of the school day my little girl ran out of the school gates excited to tell me that they’d had their spelling test and she’d got ninety-nine right. Fantastic…but you can guess what’s coming next…

    I said “That’s amazing. Which one did you get wrong?”

    Ninety-nine right and I zoomed straight in on the one she got wrong?! What was all that about?

    Not my best parenting moment – but something that happens all the time at work. How often have you ignored the many things that go right and are done well to focus on that one mistake?

    Yes there’s the argument that says that we want everything to be right, that there are standards to uphold – but it’s also a great motivator to celebrate success and see what’s going well.

    So how do we make the switch?

    1. Spend some time each day looking for the positives

    For some reason we seem to be hardwired to look for that one blip, and that one mistake. Instead try to (as Ken Blanchard says) ‘catch someone doing something right’ and look for the positives. What’s going well and where someone’s really gone that extra mile.

    2. Praise

    Everyone loves to be told when they’re doing a great job. It’s a great motivator and re-enforces the behaviour that you want. So, don’t wait – instead praise as soon as you can after the event.

    3. Communicate the positives

    It’s easy to focus on the missed targets, and the drop in sales when briefing your teams. Hearing messages like this day in day out can soon lead to an attitude of ‘what’s the point?’ so communicate the great stuff too, and celebrate success.

    Bonus Book Worm Tip: – Whale Done by Ken Blanchard is a great read if you want to learn more.

    I’d love to hear your ideas and experiences of where you’ve motivated your team and switched from focusing on the negatives to focusing on the positives. Let me know by leaving a comment.

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    5 ways to combat that feeling of self doubt

    Ever had that feeling of doubt that just pops into your mind when you need to think most clearly?

    Or that niggly voice that keeps whispering that you’re not good enough, or that you really don’t know what your doing?

    Ever felt that getting to where you are today was a total fluke and that you’re really not sure how it happened at all – even though you can talk through your entire journey?

    If so, you’re definitely not alone. We’ve probably all been there at some point or another and although it might not be something that we openly talk about in public it’s definitely happening behind the scenes.

    Even Maya Angelou said – “I have written eleven books, but each time I think,
    ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’

     

    So what do you do if you’re feeling self doubt?

    1. Keep a diary

    It’s easy to forget all the great stuff that you do, especially if you’re in the habit of finishing one thing and just going onto the next – so have a go at keeping a diary. It’s a great way to reflect on all the things that you did great and what went well in a particular project or activity. It’s also a nice way of blowing your own trumpet – especially if blowing your own trumpet doesn’t come naturally to you.

     2. Try not to compare yourself to others

    This is often easier said than done especially in todays world of social media. It’s not hard to get caught up in thinking that everyone else is doing better than you. Unfortunately this is a habit that needs practice to break, but one of the best ways to do this is to genuinely wish others well, and go back to focus on what you’re doing. You never know what’s going on behind the scenes anyway, and comparing yourself to them is doing no-one any favours. So keep working on your own journey.

     3. Surround yourself with cheerleaders

    The people you hang around with are so important, so make a conscious effort to surround yourself with positive people. The cheerleaders of the world. The people who really do want to see you succeed and do well. Yes we all have friends (or family) that are negative so don’t cut them out completely, just don’t see them when you need a pep talk.

    4. Get some me time

    Time for you is so important. This could be a time slot once a week where you focus on your development, planning or reflection. Or it could be a hobby that you want to pursue to give you some time out. Either way, giving your brain a break is a great way to keep yourself on track.

     5. Talk about it

    Finally, talking about how you feel can work wonders. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It doesn’t mean that the niggly feeling is true, and it doesn’t mean that you should stop what you’re doing.  Instead by sharing how you feel with friends and colleagues you might be surprised at how many people are in the same place.

    BONUS TIP – For those of you that love a bit of bed time reading – try this book…The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks.  Let me know what you think.

     

    I’d love to learn your tips for dealing with your feelings of self doubt – let me know by leaving a comment.

  • Blog

    5 ways to help you really switch off

    This week I got asked this question:

    “Barbara, I lead a team of 12 people and my biggest problem is that I struggle to switch off. I regularly check my emails at home, and take calls at the weekend, and my phone is never really far from reach.  Any tips?”

    This is such a great question and one that  so many people struggle with, especially as it’s just so easy to be really accessible.

    The problem is that if we don’t switch off from time to time, we don’t give our brains the chance to have a breather, and before long it can leave us feeling stressed, exhausted and with no balance in our lives at all.

    Saying that, it can be easier said than done especially if you’ve got into the habit of being available for your team, and working on your emails in your own time.

    So, if this is a problem for you, here are my tips for getting some much needed breathing space.

    1. Re-educate your team

    Rather than just going off line explain to your team that you won’t be available at certain times, and what they should do instead. If you have to have someone available around the clock consider taking turns to be on call with another member of your team.

     2. Be disciplined

    Decide when you’re going to allow yourself to check your emails outside office hours, and when you’re not…and stick to it. This is going to be tricky, and you may find yourself slipping from time to time. If that happens, remind yourself and start over.

     3. Share your plans with your friends and family

    Tell those around you what you’re trying to do and ask them to help you out by telling you to stop checking your phone or turning your lap top on. It’ll serve as a good reminder if you’re hearing it from other people.

     4. Keep your phone away from your bed

    By making your bedroom a gadget free zone you won’t be tempted to reach for your phone before you close your eyes or the second you wake up. This’ll also help you feel relaxed and get a good nights sleep as well.

     5. Get your team involved

    It’s not uncommon for everyone in the team /company to have the same habits where phones are concerned, and you might also have had meetings with phones buzzing on the table. If this is the case think about having a phone free zone where phones have to be put away, or even switched off so you can all focus on what needs to be done at that time without any distractions.

    Bonus Tip – Have a look at the e-mails that you’re answering and the calls you’re taking at home, and ask yourself whether they need your attention straight away, or whether you’re just dealing with them out of habit? If they’re not urgent, give yourself permission to deal with it the next day, and get the down time you really need.

     

    I’d love to hear your ideas for switching off. Let me know by leaving a comment.

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    6 reasons why you keep failing at your goals

    I am very goal orientated, and I get a real kick out of deciding upon what I want to achieve in the New Year. I then absolutely love crossing things off when I have completed them.  This list is created around the end of the year, and I refer back to it at regular intervals so that I can use it as a measuring stick for my progress.

    Now, up until a couple of years ago this list was just that. A list. The year at the top of the page and then a list of all the things I wanted to accomplish. It will come to you as no surprise that some of the things on this list were then ‘carried over’ to the next year, and the next, and the next. In fact, I had one thing on my list that has been there for several years!!

    As a coach I know only too well how to make goals but you know how it is, often it’s not the easiest thing to do to follow your own teaching…but then one year I did, and I achieved so much more. So, if you can relate to this and you are suffering from goal carry over, here are my top 6 reasons why you are failing at your goals.

     1. You’re not specific enough

    I was just writing the end goal on my list, without any thought on what I needed to do to get there.  Be completely specific as to what success looks like and the steps you need to take to get there.

    2. You need a  deadline

    Deadline’s are great, and just because you’ve made it yourself doesn’t mean you’re allowed to miss it. You are the most important person in your world, so your deadlines should be just as important as any that are imposed by anyone else.

    3. You forget about them

    It’s no good making some goals and then stuffing them in a drawer until the next new year. Don’t just leave them up to chance, put them where you can keep referring back to them throughout the year.

    4. You need new habits

    Some of your goals may require recurring actions. For example if you want to get fit, you’re going need to work out regularly. If you want to write a book, you’re going to need to write regularly. So, recognise that this is what it takes and that it’ll take about 30 days to create that habit. Build in that time each day to not only cement the habit, but to get to your goal.

    5. They’re too big

    Sometimes big goals can just seem, well too big. Split them up into smaller milestones and use these to work towards – don’t forget to give yourself a treat when you reach them.

    6. You need to share them

    I know you may want to keep them to yourself, but by telling someone about what you are working towards and giving them permission to ask you how you’re getting on, it’ll really spur you on.

     

    So from now on my ‘list’ looks very different to what it once did, and I’m even more excited about achieving them and not having goals being carried over. I’d love to hear your thoughts and what goals you’ve set for yourself. Please feel free to share.

  • Blog

    Tips for my 18 year old self

    After seeing the fantastic linkedin influencers theme ‘If I were 22’ I was reminded of my eldest daughter turning 18.

    Rather than buying her an extravagant gift I wanted to give her something from the heart. So I created a scrap book of her life with letters from all the members of the family. Everyone was asked to write something of importance to my daughter: A favourite memory, a funny anecdote or some top tips for an 18 year old starting out in the world. (more…)