This is a question I get asked all the time – ‘Barbara, I feel like I’m really stuck, how do I get the clarity I need to move forwards?’
Feeling stuck is such an awful feeling. Your mind is whirling with all the things that you could do, and the things that might or could happen. You feel like you’re always taking one step forwards and one back. Going round in circles and you’re in a non-stop version of your very own Groundhog Day. You might even see other people with a lot less experience getting the results you really want, but you can’t make happen for yourself and you spend your days feeling confused and really, really frustrated.
I’ve helped so many people in this position, and let me tell you that it is more than possible to start seeing the light of day again and get the momentum you’re craving. If you can relate here are 4 tips that will help.
- Stop trying to see the full picture
When we’re looking for clarity, it’s really easy to fall into the rabbit hole of wanting to create a full map of where you’re going so you know what you need to do. This is mistake #1. The thing is life just doesn’t work like that. Let’s be honest, we never know what’s coming round the corner and have you ever known a plan that works 100% all the time?
Rather than trying to map out everything and figure out the HOW, focus on the next step that you’re going to take. Just the next step, and let the step after that unfold as you go. For example – I remember when I first started my business I was wondering whether to go a networking event.
All I kept thinking was ‘Should I? Shouldn’t I? Would it be beneficial? Would I like it? Would it be a good use of my time?’ In the end I put my coat on and went…and while I was there I met someone who put me in touch with someone else, who then turned into a £70k client!
We can over think ourselves into a hole – but the thing is that we have no idea what’s coming up next after our one small step.
By trying to think of all the HOW’s we’re not making space for the synchronicities and the serendipitous moments. We’re trying to tell the Universe how to do its job.
So just focus on one step at a time and see what comes up.
2. Stop consuming so much stuff and drowning out your own voice
This is a biggie, especially nowadays when content flies at you before you’ve even brushed your teeth in the morning. When you’re looking for clarity the first port of call is often looking outside of yourself for inspiration. Looking to see what other people are doing. The problem is that whilst you’re consuming so much of other peoples content and ideas and opinions you lose sight of your own. It’s like putting yourself into a really crowded room where everyone is shouting at each other and trying to think straight. It just isn’t going to happen. You can also lose your own voice as you try and do what everyone else is doing because it works for them. But all that means is that sooner or later you’ll feel totally out of alignment because it was never your voice or your path to begin with.
So, limit the amount of stuff you’re consuming to people that really resonate with you and make the space to listen to yourself. A great way to do this is to create your own stuff. Whether that’s write in your journal, write a blog post, record a podcast; write a social media post, record a video. You don’t even have to use it, but just by taking the time to create rather than consume your voice, ideas and opinions will start to shine through and you’ll be able to see more clearly what’s right for you.
3. Give yourself permission to want what you want
Have you ever noticed that when you set yourself a goal or you decide you want to do something, a split second later you’ve thought of a gazillion reasons why you can’t do it and you do one of two things. You either decide you can’t and you push your goal away, or you reduce your goal to something you feel as though you can do. Either way, you’ve not given yourself permission to want what you want.
‘Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will’ – Suzy Kasem
This is where you need to give yourself permission to want what you want. To know that if you want it, then it’s your job to bring it into the world and that you’re more than capable. Sure you might never have done it. Sure you might have to learn some new things, and sure it might be one Hell of a comfort zone stretch – but as Glennon Doyle quite rightly says…‘we can do hard things’ the first step is to give yourself permission to want it.
4. Follow your joy.
Ok, a bit of a heart to heart here…what is it that brings you joy? What do you absolutely love to do? What is it that when you do it, time literally stands still and you get lost in the moment, completely in flow? Whatever this is for you, it’s telling you something. So do more of this. If possible weave it into your business, career or day. Create more time when you’re doing this and the ideas will also flow. Have you noticed that it isn’t when you’re busy that you get light bulb moments – it’s when you’re lost in the moment. In the shower. Driving your car, or taking the dog for a walk. Spend more time in the flow and see what bubbles to the surface for you.