Month: January 2018

  • Blog, mindset

    5 signs that you’re holding yourself back

    This week I’m answering this question:

    “Everything’s going great at the moment, but I always get the feeling that I’m holding myself back in some way…can you help?”

    This is a common question, and it really doesn’t matter where you are on your leadership journey I can pretty much guarantee that we’ve all done this at some point or another.

    The thing is that our brain loves to keep us in our comfort zone. Now although you might think this is a pretty rubbish thing for it to do, it does have great intentions.The reason being is that when we’re in our comfort zone it knows that we’re safe – and after all that’s its primary objective to keep us alive. Now the problem comes that when we start to push the boundaries of our comfort zone it might start to try and nudge us back in and it can do that in so many different ways. This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try and stretch, but it does mean that we need to recognise when we start to hold ourselves back so that it doesn’t stop us from progressing.

    So, here are 5 signs that you’re holding yourself back…

    1. We hide behind being busy

    Being busy is a common problem, but it can also be a really good hiding place to stop you from doing anything outside of your comfort zone. You might say or think things like ‘Oh I’d love to do that but I’ve no time.’ ‘I’ve got loads on at the minute’ ‘I’ll do it when this [project finishes; or things calm down a bit]’

    If this is you: Have a think about whether you’re using being busy as a hiding place, or whether you genuinely are too busy at the moment, and be honest with yourself. If it’s the former, it’s time to look at how you can make space for new opportunities.

    2. You have an excuse

    We can all come with excuses why we don’t want to do something, but are you coming up with an excuse to stop yourself from having a go at something new? For example – do you say things like…I’ll do it tomorrow; I’m too busy right now; I’m too [fill in the gap here eg – old, young, inexperienced, not been here long enough; not got the right or enough qualifications etc]

    If this is you: Next time you hear yourself saying one of your excuses question whether it’s actually the case, or whether it’s just a myth? Do you really need a degree to do whatever it is? Are you really too young or too old? and so on.. chances are it’s not a valid reason to not have a go.

    3. We get annoyed with ourselves later

    Have you ever had the opportunity to do something, and you’ve said no and then kicked yourself later? If so, this is a clear sign that you’re holding yourself back.

    If this is you: Tune in to how you’re feeling at the time and take a moment to listen to yourself. Ask yourself do you just need to have a go? Or do you need more information? Or are you going to regret it if you don’t have a go?

    4. You push other people and not yourself

    You tell yourself that you want to give other people around you the opportunity instead – and it’s good for them to have a go, rather than you. You’re very good at side stepping opportunities so your team, friends, peers etc can do it instead.

    If this is you: Ask yourself whether you’re doing it for the right reasons. Are you genuinely wanting to develop other people? Or are you really passing it over because you’re not ready? If it’s the latter it might be time to take the leap too.

    5. You feel the fear

    Fear is a really common way that our brain uses to hold us back, and it works because it feels so rubbish that it’s not surprising we run for the hills when we feel it.

    If this is you: Have a go at recognising that all that’s happening is you’re stretching your comfort zone and that you’re not really in any danger. It also helps to know that this fear is only temporary and that pretty soon whatever you’re doing will become normal and no longer scary.

     

    So I’d love to know your thoughts and experiences on holding yourself back let me know by leaving a comment.

  • Blog, mindset

    9 ways to give your confidence a much needed boost

    This week I’m answering a question about confidence…

    “I feel as though I my confidence has gone – any ideas how I can get it back?”

    The thing is that we all have lapses in confidence as we go a long. The way I visualise it is that confidence is like a big jug of water. Sometimes it feels like it’s over flowing, sometimes it’s nearly empty and sometimes it’s somewhere in between – but no matter where it is you can always fill it up – it doesn’t have to be gone forever.

    Just knowing this really does help, because when we feel like our confidence has gone our gut reaction is to mourn this loss and worry about how we’ll be able to manage without it. But here’s the thing. You really don’t have to. There are ways to give your confidence a much boost.

    Decide what area of your life you’d like more confidence in.

    Your gut reaction here might be to say – all of it. But if you really drill it down there’s bound to be one area that you’d choose over the others. Choosing one to focus on will really help you to stop feeling overwhelmed as you try to tackle everything all at once.

    Once you’ve chosen try and be specific. Why do you feel you need more confidence? Is there something that’s currently going wrong or is it a feeling you’re getting? Decide what does success look like for you and scribble this down.

    Make it an experiment to take the pressure off

    By making this process an experiment it really does take the pressure off as all of a sudden there is no failure only learning. Keep a log of what you do and the results that you get, remembering to keep tweaking as you go (just as you would if it was a scientific experiment) rather than giving up if something didn’t turn out as you’d hoped.

    Accept that fear may not just disappear

    Everyone is different, and for you the fear or lack of confidence may not disappear immediately or over night, and it might take a bit of time, but this shouldn’t be a reason to give up. Your fear is just a feeling that’s all, and it may help to make friends with it and explain that you realise it’s there for a reason but you have to plough on anyway. Simply visualising your fear may help in itself and don’t forget to take some good deep breaths as you go.

    Decide what you’re going to do differently

    Start small and pick something that you’re going to do slightly differently or that you’re going to do more of and look for opportunities to do just that. For example – you may want more confidence when speaking to groups so look for opportunities to speak in front of people.

    Look at areas of your life where you’re really confident

    Yes you might think that you need to boost your confidence in all aspects of your life, but chances are that there’s one part where you’re rocking it. It doesn’t matter where this is – you might be really confident in a hobby, with your family, or even feel amazingly confident when you’re out doing something you love. Whatever it is write down how this feels and lock it in. This is the feeling that you’re aiming for (and you need to remember) when you’re working on building your confidence somewhere else.

    Get some feedback

    Sometimes we might not think we come across as confident, but other people aren’t picking up on a that at all. So, get some feedback. Ask your friends, peers, and team how you come across in specific situations and see what they say. You may be pleasantly surprised.

    Go looking for praise

    We all need a bit of reassurance from time to time. If you’re doing something outside of your comfort zone ask people for feedback after the event and ask them to tell you what you did well. I know it might seem self indulgent but here’s the thing – if you know what you did well, you can do more of that – plus it feels great to get some praise which really will help your confidence levels.

     Visualise the end result

    Rather than picturing what you think is going to go wrong, or what you’ve done badly in the past stay focused on how amazing the end result is going to be.  This will trick your brain into thinking you’re a lot more confident before you start.

     Go easy on yourself

    We all have lapses in confidence from time to time so go easy and forgive yourself. This doesn’t mean that you ‘don’t have confidence’ so don’t describe yourself in this way. Instead describe yourself as someone who is confident and more than capable to do something because you really can.

     BONUS TIP – Keep practicing

    It’s so easy to give up on something because it was tough or you really felt the fear. But keep at it – because every small step is a step in the right direction.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts – let me know by leaving a comment.

     

  • Blog

    A simple trick to boost your New Year

    Although January is usually a fantastic time for setting new goals, planning for the year and creating resolutions, it can all too quickly slip back into business as usual, and if you’re not careful you end up doing exactly what you did before.

    To check this out – all you need to do is go to the gym on the first week of Jan, and then visit again in February / March to notice the difference. (I speak from experience here)

    The thing is that slipping back into our old ways isn’t always because we don’t want to do anything different – for many of us it’s just because life happens and it’s quicker and easier if we go back to being on auto pilot. The problem here is that this can really stop us from progressing and seeing what we need to change and where we need to improve.

    In fact, we might even go about our days getting frustrated or annoyed at things that happen or that we do, but instead of doing something about it, we just find a work around, get hacked off and keep going regardless. We might even ‘own’ this behaviour…”Oh this always happens to me!” or “I’m so sick of X”

    “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got” (Henry Ford)

    Which is why, every so often it’s a great idea to do some self reflection and see  what you need to switch up, where you need to develop, and what you need to fix once and for all so you can keep moving forward.

    This exercise is something I do on a regular basis – and I also do it with my clients too. It’s super simple (as all the best things are) takes nearly no time at all, and always throws up some powerful gems.

    Have a think about your day and think about what you need to:

    Stop doing – these are the things that are hacking you off. The habits that are no longer serving you. For example – checking your emails as soon as you wake up and before you get out of bed; working long hours, skipping lunch etc

    Start doing – These are the things that you’re putting off. You know they would add value and really benefit you but for some reason you just haven’t got round to putting them into action. As it’s always trickier to start something and keep it going once you’ve made this part of your list, write down the value it’ll give you, and commit to doing one of them for 90 days. Then test and measure to see whether it worked for you. If so, add it to the continue list. If not, cross it out and move on to the next one.

    Continue doing – these are the things that are really working for you and you need to keep them going. For example – going for a run; having a lunch break; spending time with the kids after school etc.

    The beauty about this exercise is that not only can you do it on your own on a regular basis, it’s also a really easy format to use to collate some feedback from your team and the people around you.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts about what you’re going to stop doing, start doing and continue doing and how this works for you. Let me know in the comments.